Control Through Finances: When Money Becomes a Weapon

Financial abuse is one of the lesser-discussed yet most insidious aspects of coercive control. When one partner uses money as a tool for manipulation, restriction, or punishment, it creates a power imbalance that can be incredibly difficult to escape. For many women experiencing emotional abuse from a narcissistic male partner, financial control becomes another link in the chain that keeps them trapped — not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically.

In this blog, we’ll unpack how coercive partners use finances to exert control, the long-term consequences, and ways survivors can begin to reclaim financial autonomy.

Restricted Access and Financial Dependence

One of the first ways an abuser may control finances is by limiting your access to money. He might insist on:

• Being the sole earner, while discouraging or preventing you from working

• Keeping all bank accounts in his name

• Giving you a strict allowance and demanding you account for every penny

• Taking away your cards or refusing to give you access to online banking

This level of control creates a dangerous dependency. Without access to your own money, your ability to make decisions, seek support, or leave the relationship becomes severely compromised. The abuser may present this arrangement as “traditional” or “protective,” framing your financial disempowerment as an act of love — but make no mistake, it is control.

In many cases, even if a woman earns her own money, the abuser may find ways to access or manage it, insisting that “what’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine” — as long as he’s the one holding the purse strings.

Sabotaging Earning Potential

Some abusers go beyond control and actively sabotage your ability to work, study, or build a career. This might include:

• Discouraging or forbidding you from applying for jobs

• Demanding you quit your job to “focus on the family”

• Constantly interrupting your work or creating drama that causes you to underperform

• Making you late or refusing to help with childcare or transportation

Over time, these tactics erode your confidence and professional credibility, making it harder for you to achieve financial independence. You may begin to believe you’re incapable of managing on your own, even though the truth is that your opportunities have been systematically dismantled.

Micromanagement and Financial Surveillance

Even in situations where you are allowed to work or handle money, a coercive partner may implement controlling rules that make financial autonomy impossible. He might:

• Monitor your spending through shared accounts or credit card statements

• Demand receipts or explanations for every purchase

• Criticise your decisions as irresponsible or selfish

• Control how money is spent on food, clothes, or children

• Use guilt or emotional blackmail to make you feel unworthy of financial freedom

This level of scrutiny sends a clear message: You cannot be trusted with money. It creates anxiety around spending, discourages independence, and often makes you feel infantilised — like a child asking for pocket money rather than an adult in an equal partnership.

Punishment, Deprivation, and Economic Threats

Financial abuse isn’t just about restriction — it can also involve punishment. Coercively controlling partners often use money as a way to assert dominance or discipline. They may:

• Withhold money as a consequence for perceived disobedience

• Force you to beg, apologise, or perform favours in exchange for basic needs

• Threaten to cut you off if you challenge or confront them

• Use access to money as a way to lure you back after an argument or attempted separation

In some cases, financial abuse continues even after the relationship ends. The abuser might refuse to pay child support, manipulate shared assets, or rack up debt in your name. These tactics are designed to keep you struggling and disempowered long after the emotional connection has been broken.

Final Thoughts

Coercive control through finances is not just about money — it’s about domination. By stripping away your financial freedom, an abusive partner seeks to control every aspect of your life: where you go, what you do, how you feel, and whether you believe you can survive on your own.

If this blog resonates with you, know that you're not alone — and you can begin to reclaim your autonomy. Speaking to a financial adviser, domestic abuse advocate, or support group can be the first step. Keep a record of financial restrictions or abuses where it’s safe to do so, and explore legal or welfare options that can provide support.

Rebuilding financial independence may take time and courage, but it is possible — and you are worth it.