What Is Coercive Control?

In emotionally abusive relationships, coercive control often hides in plain sight. Unlike physical violence, which is visible and undeniable, coercive control operates through a web of manipulation, fear, and dominance that slowly erodes a person’s autonomy and sense of self.

For many women who have experienced emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic male partner, the reality of coercive control becomes clear only in hindsight—after months or even years of walking on eggshells, second-guessing themselves, and feeling isolated from the outside world.

Understanding coercive control is a crucial step towards naming what’s been happening, validating your experiences, and reclaiming your power. In this blog, we’ll explore what coercive control really means, how it differs from other relationship issues, and why recognising it is a vital part of healing and recovery.

Defining Coercive Control in Relationships

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that seeks to dominate, manipulate, and entrap another person. Rather than relying on physical violence, it uses psychological, emotional, and sometimes financial tactics to break down a person’s independence and decision-making power.

Some examples include:

• Constant monitoring of your whereabouts or communication.

• Making threats or using intimidation to keep you compliant.

• Withholding affection or approval to punish you.

• Using money as a tool for power and control.

• Gaslighting you into questioning your reality.

It’s important to note that coercive control doesn’t always look aggressive on the surface. It may be cloaked in concern (“I just worry about you”), or disguised as love (“I can’t live without you”), but the intention is the same: to dominate.

The Difference Between Conflict and Control

All relationships experience disagreement. Healthy conflict, however, involves negotiation, mutual respect, and compromise. Coercive control, on the other hand, removes equality from the relationship altogether.

In a coercively controlled relationship, one partner consistently undermines the other’s freedom, dismisses their opinions, and refuses to allow room for their emotions, autonomy, or growth. You may find that your voice is silenced, your needs are minimised, and your choices are no longer your own.

It’s not about occasional poor behaviour; it’s about a sustained pattern of domination that’s designed to make you feel small, dependent, and incapable of living life on your own terms.

Recognising It’s Not Just About Violence

One of the most dangerous myths surrounding abuse is the idea that it only counts if it’s physical. Many women stay in emotionally abusive relationships because “he’s never hit me” or “it’s not that bad compared to others.” But coercive control can be just as damaging—if not more so—than physical abuse, because it chips away at your mental health, confidence, and self-worth over time.

In fact, some women report that the psychological scars of coercive control linger long after they’ve left the relationship. You may start to doubt your ability to make decisions, feel paralysed by fear or shame, or believe you are fundamentally unworthy of love and respect.

These are not signs of weakness—they are the effects of chronic emotional manipulation.

Legal Recognition and Why It Matters

In the UK, coercive control has been recognised as a criminal offence under the Serious Crime Act 2015. This landmark change acknowledges that domestic abuse is not solely about physical violence—it includes the patterns of behaviour designed to isolate, intimidate, and subjugate a partner.

In Australia, coercive control is now a criminal offense in two Australian states: New South Wales (NSW) and Queensland. In NSW, the Crimes Legislation Amendment (Coercive Control) Act 2022 criminalizes coercive control in intimate partner relationships, with the law coming into effect on July 1, 2024. Queensland passed similar legislation, known as Hannah's Law, also criminalizing coercive control, effective on May 26, 2025. No doubt, other states will follow suit in the near future.

This legal recognition is significant. It means that emotional abuse is no longer invisible in the eyes of the law. It also offers victims the opportunity to seek justice and protection, although proving coercive control in a legal setting can still be complex and emotionally taxing.

If you think you may be experiencing coercive control, reaching out to a domestic abuse service, women’s support charity, or a legal advocate can be a crucial first step in understanding your rights and options.

Final Thoughts

Coercive control thrives in silence. It relies on your self-doubt, your fear of not being believed, and your hope that things might eventually get better. But naming it is powerful. It is the beginning of seeing clearly, trusting yourself again, and ultimately taking back your life.

If this blog resonated with you, know that you are not alone. Many women have walked this path—and have found freedom on the other side. Understanding what coercive control is does not just validate your pain; it empowers your recovery.