The Role of Dissociation in Complex PTSD: When Numbness Replaces Pain

For many women who have experienced prolonged emotional abuse from a partner, the trauma doesn’t always show up as panic or fear. Sometimes, it shows up as numbness. A sense of being disconnected from your body, your emotions, your surroundings—even from yourself.

This phenomenon is called dissociation. It is not a flaw or a weakness, but a survival strategy your mind and body developed to cope with overwhelming pain. When abuse is persistent, unpredictable, and emotionally manipulative—as it often is with narcissists—dissociation becomes a way to endure what feels unendurable.

In this blog, we’ll explore what dissociation is, how it manifests in survivors of narcissistic abuse, and how you can begin to gently return to yourself in the aftermath.

What Is Dissociation?

Dissociation is a mental process that causes a person to disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. It’s the nervous system’s emergency “eject button” when trauma becomes too overwhelming to bear in the moment.

Common forms of dissociation include:

• Feeling emotionally numb or “flat”

• Spacing out or losing time

• Detaching from your body (out-of-body experiences)

• Forgetting conversations or events

• Feeling like you're observing life from the outside

In Complex PTSD, dissociation becomes chronic. You may feel as if you're moving through life in a fog or watching yourself from a distance, unable to engage fully. This disconnection helped you survive—but now, it might be keeping you from healing.

Why Abuse Survivors Dissociate

Narcissistic abuse often involves gaslighting, invalidation, emotional inconsistency, and psychological harm that builds up over time. You may have:

• Been blamed for things that weren’t your fault

• Had your reality denied repeatedly

• Been emotionally shamed for expressing needs or feelings

• Lived in an environment where you had to walk on eggshells

These experiences train your brain and nervous system to respond with detachment. If you're constantly unsafe, dissociation becomes a way to reduce pain—by numbing it or pretending it isn’t happening.

Dissociation can be particularly strong in victims of covert narcissistic abuse, where the trauma is subtle, prolonged, and deeply invalidating.

Signs You May Be Dissociating

Many women don’t realise they’re dissociating, because it’s become second nature.

Here are signs to look out for:

• Blanking out during stressful or emotional moments

• Feeling like you’re on “autopilot” much of the time

• A vague sense of unreality or dreaminess

• Difficulty remembering parts of your day

• Not recognising your own reflection or voice

• Trouble identifying how you feel emotionally

• Struggling to make decisions or feel present in your body

Dissociation can also look like extreme detachment in relationships. You might appear calm or “together” when in fact, you feel deeply removed from what’s happening.

The Cost of Numbness

Although dissociation serves a protective purpose, over time it can significantly impact your ability to heal and connect with life.

Some consequences include:

• Emotional flatness and difficulty accessing joy

• Feeling alienated from others and yourself

• Difficulty setting boundaries (because your instincts are blunted)

• Memory lapses or cognitive fog

• Loss of personal identity or direction

Many survivors report not knowing who they are outside of the trauma. When you’ve been numb for so long, reconnecting with your inner world can feel unfamiliar—even scary. But it’s also the path back to wholeness.

How to Begin Reconnecting With Yourself

Healing from dissociation doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel everything all at once. It’s about gently reconnecting with your body, your senses, and your inner truth.

1. Grounding Practices

Start small. Use daily grounding techniques to help anchor yourself in the present moment:

• Touch objects and describe them aloud (texture, colour, temperature)

• Use temperature: hold an ice cube, take a warm shower, or sip tea mindfully

• Move your body slowly and deliberately—stretch, walk barefoot, or sway

• Focus on your breath: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4

These activities help you feel more “in” your body and less like you’re floating above it.

2. Body Awareness and Somatic Work

Dissociation often begins in the body, so that’s where we begin to heal. Try:

• Yoga, tai chi, or gentle dance

• Placing a hand on your heart or stomach and saying, “I’m here”

• Tracking sensations in the body without judging them

• Practising body scans to reconnect with parts of yourself you may have “muted”

You are learning to inhabit your body again—with kindness and care.

3. Name and Validate Your Feelings

At first, you may struggle to identify your emotions. That’s normal. Try:

• Using a feelings wheel or list to build emotional vocabulary

• Journalling about moments when you felt “off” or blank

• Asking yourself gently: “What might I be feeling right now?”

• Practising self-validation: “It makes sense I feel this way after what I’ve been through.”

Naming your feelings helps rebuild emotional presence and agency.

4. Create Anchors in Daily Life

Establish routines or rituals that ground you and give you a sense of control. This could include:

• Making a morning cup of tea with mindfulness

• Lighting a candle at the end of the day

• Listening to music that resonates with your current state

• Keeping a consistent sleep and wake schedule

These anchors remind your nervous system that you’re safe enough to stay connected.

Final Thoughts

Dissociation is not a defect—it’s a survival strategy born of deep pain. If you feel like you’re living behind glass, watching life from the sidelines, know this: you are not broken. You are protecting yourself the best way you know how.

Healing from dissociation takes time, patience, and tenderness. It means learning how to be in your body, in your feelings, and in your life again—but not before you’re ready. Every small step you take to notice, name, and nurture your inner experience is a powerful act of reclamation.

You deserve to feel fully alive—not just safe from pain, but present to joy, connection, and your own truth.