The Inner Critic: Silencing the Abuser Within

Long after the narcissistic partner is gone, his voice often lingers—not as something you hear out loud, but as an internal monologue. “You’re overreacting.” “You’ll never be good enough.” “This is your fault.”  These harsh, punishing thoughts aren’t just echoes of the past—they often become part of your own inner dialogue.

For women healing from narcissistic emotional abuse, the inner critic can be the most persistent and painful voice. It thrives on doubt, perfectionism, and self-judgement, mimicking the emotional abuse once inflicted from the outside.

In this blog, we’ll explore how the inner critic develops, how it functions as a symptom of Complex PTSD, and—most importantly—how you can begin to silence it with compassion, boundaries, and healing.

Steps to Quiet the Inner Critic

1. Name It, Externalise It

Give your inner critic a name or identity that separates it from your core self. Some survivors name it after their ex or simply call it “The Voice.”

Example:

“That’s not me—it’s The Voice again, trying to keep me small.”

By externalising it, you can challenge it rather than obey it.

2. Track the Triggers

Notice when your inner critic becomes loudest. Is it when you rest? Set a boundary? Speak your truth?

Journal prompts:

• What was I doing when the critic appeared?

• What emotion came up before it started?

• Whose voice does this remind me of?

Patterns reveal entry points for healing.

3. Respond with a Compassionate Voice

Speak back with care, not cruelty. At first, it might feel awkward—but you’re re-parenting yourself.

Critic: “You’re worthless.”

Compassionate Voice: “I’m hurting right now. I deserve love and healing.”

Use affirmations like:

• “I am doing the best I can with what I know.”

• “I deserve kindness—even from myself.”

• “My worth is not defined by what happened to me.”

You can even write letters to yourself from this kinder voice, helping to build a new inner dialogue.

4. Use Somatic Grounding

The inner critic often triggers a trauma response in the body—tight chest, clenched jaw, racing thoughts.

Try:

• Deep belly breathing

• Placing your hand over your heart

• Gentle movement or stretching

• Saying out loud: “I am safe now.”

Regulating your nervous system helps quiet the critic from the inside out.

5. Set Internal Boundaries

Just as you learn to set boundaries with others, you can set them within. It’s okay to say:

“I don’t allow that kind of talk in my mind anymore.”

This may feel radical at first—but it’s a profound act of self-respect.

Final Thoughts

The inner critic is not your enemy—it is a frightened part of you that learned to survive in a hostile environment. But what once protected you now keeps you imprisoned.

Silencing the inner critic doesn’t mean silencing all thought or judgement. It means replacing cruelty with curiosity, fear with compassion, and shame with understanding.

You are not the voice that abuses you. You are the one standing up to it now.

Healing from narcissistic abuse means not only escaping the abuser—but also reclaiming your own mind and heart from the legacy he left behind. And every time you speak back with love, you take a step closer to freedom.