Gaslighting and Self-Doubt – Rebuilding Confidence After Emotional Abuse

When you've been on the receiving end of gaslighting, especially in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, the damage doesn't end when the relationship does. One of the most pervasive after-effects is a deep, lingering self-doubt. You might find yourself questioning your memory, your decisions, your worth—and even your sanity.

Gaslighting is a psychological tactic meant to destabilise your sense of self. Over time, it chips away at your ability to trust your own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. Rebuilding confidence isn’t just about “thinking positively”; it’s about undoing the trauma response of self-doubt that has been conditioned into you.

This post explores how gaslighting breeds self-doubt, how it continues to affect your everyday life, and—most importantly—how to start reclaiming your self-belief and inner confidence.

How Gaslighting Fuels Self-Doubt

Gaslighting is often subtle, insidious, and prolonged. It works not by shocking you into fear, but by slowly eroding your inner sense of truth. Narcissistic partners use tactics like denial, minimising, blame-shifting, and outright lies to make you question your experience of reality.

The message you receive over and over is: “You’re wrong.”

Common phrases you may have heard:

• “You’re imagining things.”

• “You’re too sensitive.”

• “That never happened.”

• “You always overreact.”

Over time, these constant denials and dismissals lead to:

• Second-guessing your memory: “Did I really say that? Maybe I misremembered.”

• Feeling like you’re ‘too much’ or ‘not enough’: “Maybe I am the problem.”

• Fear of making decisions: “I don’t trust myself to choose the right thing.”

• Emotional confusion: “Why do I feel this way? Should I even feel this way?”

This is not weakness—this is the direct result of being psychologically manipulated.

Recognising how self-doubt was taught to you is the first step toward unlearning it.

The Lingering Effects of Self-Doubt

Even after you’ve physically left the gaslighting relationship, the effects can persist. You may struggle with:

• Decision-making: Fear of choosing wrongly or disappointing others.

• Expressing opinions: Worry that your thoughts aren’t valid or will be criticised.

• Trusting new relationships: Fear that others will deceive or manipulate you too.

• Hyper-vigilance: Over-analysing your words and actions to avoid conflict.

This chronic self-doubt can lead to:

• Social withdrawal

• Anxiety and panic

• Low self-esteem

• Difficulty advocating for yourself in personal or professional settings

It’s crucial to understand: these are not signs of who you are. They are the residue of abuse. And just as they were conditioned into you, they can be replaced with healthier patterns of self-belief and trust.

Strategies for Rebuilding Confidence

Healing is not about suddenly “becoming confident”—it’s about taking intentional steps to reconnect with the confidence you’ve always had, even if it was buried by abuse.

Here are some strategies to begin that process:

1. Start with Micro-Decisions

Begin by making small, low-stakes decisions every day. What to wear, what to eat, what to watch. Don’t ask for input. Don’t second-guess. Trust yourself—and notice how capable you

actually are.

2. Challenge the Inner Critic

Your inner critic may sound a lot like your ex-partner. When you notice negative self-talk, pause and ask:

• Whose voice is this?

• Would I speak to a friend this way?

• What is the truth in this moment?

Replace the criticism with affirmations such as:

• I am allowed to trust myself.

• I don’t need permission to believe in my choices.

• Making mistakes is human—it doesn’t make me unworthy.

3. Affirm Your Reality

After years of being told your feelings were invalid, it’s important to honour them now. Try journaling as a way to affirm your reality:

• What did I feel today?

• What did I notice?

• What am I proud of myself for?

Over time, this strengthens your inner voice and reconnects you with your own emotional truth.

4. Set Gentle Boundaries

Begin setting small, respectful boundaries. This might look like:

• Saying no to a favour when you’re tired.

• Choosing not to explain yourself in depth.

• Taking space to rest without guilt.

Each time you honour a boundary, you reinforce your sense of worth.

5. Reframe the Narrative

Instead of asking “Why did I let this happen?”, ask:

• “What did I learn?”

• “How did I survive?”

• “What strength did I find in myself?”

This reclaims your story as one of resilience and growth—not weakness or shame.

Final Thoughts

Self-doubt after gaslighting is one of the hardest wounds to heal—because it makes you question your own ability to heal. But the truth is: you can rebuild confidence, one choice, one boundary, and one act of self-trust at a time.

There will be moments of uncertainty, but each time you choose to honour your voice, your truth, and your experience, you are rewriting the script the narcissist imposed on you.

You are not broken—you were gaslit. You are not irrational—you were manipulated. And you are not weak—you are finding your way back to yourself.

Keep going. Your confidence isn’t gone—it’s waiting to be reclaimed.